with you, in spring

[dreamyproject]

Characters: Auguste, Kaoru (Original Characters)

 

Fandom: FFXIV

Rating: PG-13

 
Trigger warnings: mentions of death and suicidal ideation

Spoiler warnings: DRK 50 and beyond

Summary: There's nothing else I can do, for you're not with me.

Until we meet again in spring.

song inspiration | lyrics

——

“Where on earth did he go...? Hey, you! Please tell me you`ve seen him!”

A frenzied, pink-haired Elezen is spotted interrogating every person he can get his hands on in the stronghold of Whitebrim. He rushes up with nary an announcement to the likes of lord Drillemont, clearly not taking no for an answer - even from armored soldiers with weapons that could easily strike him for his lack of manners. Being the warrior of light had it`s perks in the sense that they owed him far too much refuse him.

“I’m sorry Auguste, but we haven`t the faintest, truly. Why, we haven’t seen Kaoru since--” He remembers his promise too little too late. “That is to say, we haven’t seen him in a long time.”

How suspiciously convenient.

Auguste huffs and marches angrily out of the stronghold and into the bitter cold, thoroughly convinced he’ll just have to take matters into his own hands.

He, too, hasn’t been able to find Kaoru for days on end. While Auguste had given himself solely to the war between dragon and man, he hadn`t the time to notice how Kaoru seemed to vanish into thin air. The rare moments he glimpsed him, he was covered in blood, merely a walking spectre that seemed to wander the Brume in search of souls.

Auguste bit down on his lip, berating himself for letting yet another person fall to the wayside as the ills of his country continued to weave a choking web around him.

Just when he’s about to lose all hope, Auguste sees the silhouette of a figure looming in the distance. Clad in armor like the blackest night, he stands close to a tombstone. Kaoru gazed over the precipice, the familiar face of his normally boisterous friend now glances with such an empty gaze over the yawning abyss far below.

“No, Kaoru!” Auguste screams before he even realizes he`s running forward, as fast as his legs can take him. The sting of snow burns his lungs. “You can’t do this!” He tackles him to the painful, frozen ground.

The two of them cough up a flurry of ice as Kaoru looks at him like he’s insane.

“Do what?!” He asks, thoroughly scandalized, trying to push Auguste off of him, but gangly Elezen limbs win out against the tiny Hyur. His gaze is scathing, as if to ask Auguste what he wants all the sudden. Did he wake up on the right side of the bed, pretending to care about him all over again?

“…” Auguste looks down at the cuffs of his mage robes, embarrassed. “Forgive me for being impudent but...you looked ready to jump.”

Kaoru freezes at such a bold statement, although it`s clear by his hesitation he looks to neither confirm nor deny.

Strangely enough, although it had crossed his mind in his youth, he couldn`t explain to Auguste why those feelings had abated more than anything. No one, no one would believe these days (weeks? Months? Was it a year?) that were a walking dream, destined to never end.

He was no longer in Kaoru`s dream, and every waking moment was like death. With every gasp, the thorns around his heart wound tighter, and soon enough, he wouldn`t be able to breathe.

“You’ve been avoiding everyone even more than usual.” Such an observation makes Kaoru flinch, but he can`t move. Like a wounded rabbit, he`s trapped at the mercy of his prey.

“You won’t even come home, and when you do you’re dazed and covered in blood!” Although Auguste means well, spilling out nothing but confessions of concern, he`s screaming in an effort to get through to what feels like a corpse

and the boy before him cowers.

It`s only then he realizes what this looks like.

The familiar wide-eyed look of fear in Kaoru’s eyes, how his body shrinks, the way he always seems to flinch whenever someone so much as raises their voice at him, moves Auguste to abruptly hold him close. Like Kaoru could break in an instant, fragile as shattered porcelain, yet Auguste does the complete opposite and holds him so tightly, willing Kaoru to stay together even if he had to mend the broken glass with his bare hands.

“I’m not mad at you.” Auguste`s voice breaks, his heart floods, and waves of tears wash the blood stains on Kaoru`s shoulder. Everything that was held back when he was unable to cry, even through the worst of the Vault, springs forth.

He won`t lose another.

“I was scared because I love you.”

“…” Kaoru hesitates. His hands inches away from the tombstone of the person he cared for most, simultaneously the person he knew the least in this world.

“I don’t think you would believe me if I told you,” he finally confesses in a voice drained of all hope, allowing his exhausted frame to slump into Auguste’s comforting warmth. His bones ache at the mere notion of resting for just one second, one moment that could be spent searching his dreams for a trace of Fray.

“You assume a great deal of me,” Auguste huffs like a mother confronting a pouting child. He continues to rub comforting circles on Kaoru’s back. “When have I ever turned you away?”

He’s met with silence as Kaoru considers, feeling the snow melt through his clothes as he sits in wonder. He was afraid of intimacy and yet he inserted himself into Auguste`s life whenever he could, desperate to snatch even the faintest hint of affection.

Of importance.

Yet it was all a ruse, for the moment Auguste showed him genuine affection back, he ran. He wished he could run now, if only Auguste weren`t holding him so tight that he could barely breathe.

In his moment of weakness, he tries to dredge up every instance Auguste welcomed him in with open arms.

This meant Kaoru would have to trust him.

The knife in his ribs twists at the mere notion. Remember all the times you even tried? Look how nicely that ended up, why don`t you?

Kaoru searches for the voice that would always tell him otherwise. The voice of hope, the voice of reason. The voice that always had all the answers when Kaoru had none.

But

there is no reply.

And yet

he has to try.

“...Okay. I’ll tell you everything.”

Kaoru`s voice trembles, and he is anything but brave. But this is his only chance, the only hand held out to him that beckons him to take this step forward.

One step through the door and on towards the end of the dream.